i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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