anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
