please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
