I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
