worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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