it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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