I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
