shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
