OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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