just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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