god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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