I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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