you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is my gift to your gina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
