do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A+ Viking dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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