Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
