Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
