She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
