i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
