Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
