got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was CRYING into my vagina
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As shirtless as possible
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
