i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
