I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
