If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
