I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
