remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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