the day after is always just damage control
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
