shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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