You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
