Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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