Pappa wants mamma naked
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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