you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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