Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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