I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
