In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
