Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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