So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
