belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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