Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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