matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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