i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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