CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
