Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
