She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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