I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
