bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
