im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
