3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
