Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
