I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
