he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
