I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
