OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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