no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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