WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
