rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
