i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
