Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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