There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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