she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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