I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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