you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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