Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my liver is dry heaving
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize