I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Randomize
