is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
