dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
