you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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